Desensitization

Every time I write down a lengthy insight for my community nursing journal, I always tweet about how I badly need to make a new blog entry here. Then again, the community is rather strong in the 'Making You Lazy' department. Probably most of my group mates now are in some kubo, enjoying the sea breeze and I'm here, writing this channel of whatever has been kept inside. 

In its most basic sense, I can say that I am naïve.  I was, pardon, for that mistake. But I still would like to believe that I am, despite all these hullabaloo that I came to know 'lately'. Or maybe I tend to seek the good in all people. In all things. That I never wanted to assume, at least unconsciously, anything. But these things helped me to cross this threshold of naïveté to making assumptions. In excess, some times. And I am not proud of it. My brain is making all these connections without my bidding. As if it has a mind of its own and I am but a slave to it. A mere vessel to the powerful lord up in the control center. 

Now what am I writing down? I don't know. I never prepared outlines when I write down an entry. I type the words down as I think of them. Then I review when my brain can no longer spew words and add, edit and even remove some of it. Sometimes, I let the errors stay. I don't know why, but I let them stay there.

As if in a trance, I wrote the previous paragraph half-minded. Back on track, these things led me to think of a myriad of things that I never wanted to think before. Stains, you may say, to my pristine thinking. I lost my innocent thinking of the world around me and got lost in a field of the mystifying things. I wish to turn back but the path where  I've been through has been riddled with so many pathways that I can't backtrack my way to the right path. There are light posts along the way and they serve as my anchor to sanity and help me from being swallowed by the darkness of this alien world.

As I near yet another threshold in my life, this time between security and the unknown, I would like to trace the path that I am taking before it's too late. Before I get swallowed by another wormhole, transporting me to another foreign world where there would be less light posts along the way and more traps riddling your path forward, backward and sideways.