The Non-Confrontational Self

During one of my Booksale trips, I came across one of the titles about the Adlerian concept of birth order so, of course, I bought it. Being the sponge that I am, I readily absorbed whatever the book has talked about first (or the 'other' first child common among siblings who have large age gaps in between) and middle children, one of the latter's characteristics being the center of this entry: non-confrontational.

In more ways than one, my avoidance for any form of conflict or confrontation has been a boon than a bane. I never put my toe beyond the line or put my finger in any messy situations, at least never directly. This also preserved my introvert nature so much so that I would have some sort of separate personality behind the reassuring walls of the Internet. A kind of false courage or imaginary valor that my corporeal self would never exhibit when you see me. That's why I'm not inclined to attend group discussions but would rather hold online meetings; I would rather write things about a person here in my blog than tell that person directly what I think about him/her. Thankfully, I have not yet reached the point of being so far removed from society that I abhor interaction, which strikes me weird being the profession that I want to pursue calls for social and even person-to-person interactions. Besides all these points that I see, and some introverts may agree, good there are times that my non-confrontational attitude gets in the way.

Dealing with my problems with other people or a group of people is really hard to accomplish especially if you always see doing a turn-around or blinding yourself real from the problem as solutions. Instead of talking about your problem which fleshes me to the core, I enclose myself more in the armor of denial and self-keeping. I don't want to keep in touch with these raw emotions because I feel exposed and vulnerable. Instincts tell me to protect this vulnerable side of me and that I do by covering it with a mask of false truce, avoidance and non-confrontation. 

As I can see from what I have written while in a sleep-deprived state, my behavior of staying away from conflicts have their plus and minus side. You can only guess what side manifests more now that I have to write this shit down.

Sleeping in, I dunno, whenever.