Of Late Night Nutella Sandwiches and Rainy Days

I always start my entry with a title so I can revolve my ideas around it. This time, like the countless times before it, I start this entry with a title but I don't know if the content will talk about it. You see, I have been too noisy over at Twitter and one pet peeve that I have is noisy, senseless and air-headed people who just talk nonsense. And I see myself turning into that being. Hence, instead of shouting to 287 'people' in bursts of 140 characters the things that bother me, I decided to write a rather lengthy prose about it and disturb a few select souls who are knowledgeable about the existence of this out-of-the-way feelings vent of mine.

First of all, I would like to write this one fact down to get myself reminded of it: You've been hit this way before but never this much. Probably once or twice, you've been in this position but not as deep as it is right now. Whatever changed that pushed you into this much hullabaloo  I hope it goes back to normal. To the way things were before. I cannot, for the sake of my life, let this continue let alone suffer from it any longer. I have to let go. Move on, so they say.

This takes me to my second point, how I should move on. Believe me when I have a stash of ways to move on and that I am using much of it but to my dismay. I have been the sturdy shoulder of many a people when they need one, a listening ear when they have to wail their lungs out and a good friend telling them to - you guess it right, move one. Yet faced now with the same situation, I find myself clueless. A fool among my own wisdom. A lost kid in the middle of nowhere. 

I have tried making my self aware of it. That it is nothing but a losing war and waging it any further will only cause damage. It has been quite effective at first but not so much as the heavy artillery of emotions continuously tear down the barricade that I have painstakingly put up to keep myself safe. That option gone, I resorted to a few others that I have dispensed before: making oneself feel happy by blocking pessimistic thoughts and entertaining happy ones; thinking of oneself as some all-high mighty that your feelings is not worthy of anyone but only to The One; and countless measures to no avail. I keep coming back to Square Zero. Ever lost in the field of broken hopes and dreams.

Now, I have to see what happened to me. As I retrace things, the more I become burdened with 'what ifs' and 'what could have beens'. Things that make me hate myself for not allocating a bit of courage to make them succeed. Things that I put to waste. As I near the closing salvo, I would like to ask you one thing: Masarap ba ang Nutella sa pan de sal?