What I Would Have Said

You make me feel caged, restricted
This is not the love in my mind I depicted
You make me feel sorry for myself
I do not know if that's how one should feel for oneself

Perhaps the little sparrow inside
In freedom and flight takes pride
It yearns to fly across the sky
Untethered up high

It's been two months since my mind conjured those words yet they still somehow ring some truth. 

You make me feel caged, restricted

You've given me a bit of leeway, giving me back a bit of the freedom I used to enjoy and now I yearn; and I thank you for that. Maybe I'm being selfish for asking more but I need more. I am a free soul, unrestricted by the bounds humans have made to curtail liberty. 

This is not the love in my mind I depicted

Perhaps I've been delusional to think that love comes in neat little packages. I've fallen in the illusion that love never comes with bitter bits and pieces, that it comes in all its creamy and velvety goodness. Perhaps I've been struck dumb by the reality of what love is. 

You make me feel sorry for myself
I do not know if that's how one should feel for oneself

I've done innumerable things; things I believe are humiliating, especially for me. I've treated myself like the shit Dante's Gluttons trampled on. Until now, I don't know if shaming yourself for the benefit of others is good. Or if, by any one's (crazy) standard, it is good, up to what point is it acceptable to forego loving yourself for the sake of others? With my free soul comes my love for myself. Over anything. Over anyone. Would I just recklessly set that mantra aside because I've started to love another person?

Perhaps the little sparrow inside
In freedom and flight takes pride
It yearns to fly across the sky
Untethered up high
I am a free soul. Fuck it or leave it.

Perhaps it needs a refurbishing after two months:

You've given me freedom,
Or so I think it was.
A loyal serf to your fiefdom,
Perhaps that is what it was.

I've been sorry for myself
For things that I have done
But have you ever been your self?
When you let me do what I have done?

This fucking sparrow is no lame duck
Oh, it bites. Damn, it bites.
Let it glide or it'll run amok
Let it soar up into the heights.