Feels VIII: Sometimes

Sometimes, I'm afraid that I'm already forgetting you so I think of you, just to make sure your memory is still there.

But I want you gone.

Isn't it ironic that I want you out of my life. Out of my mind. But I'm afraid of losing you at the same time?

But I still want you gone.

Sometimes, the past, the what-could-have-beens, and the what-ifs mash up together, like the cocktail of anesthetics, sedating me into a world where they are real.

But I still definitely want you gone.

Isn't it bullshit for me to want you to hear me rant all these after severing you from my bubble?

But I still unrevokably want you out of my life.

You chose your decision.
And I have chosen mine.
We have to man up to our choices and make sure to learn from it and pick ourselves from the pit we have fallen.
Sometimes, I think I want you back.
Most of the time, I know I don't.