Hey, Heart-Breaker

Disclaimer: Bitter. Post. Coming.

Yes, you! :)

First, I wanna thank you for breaking my heart before I have fully surrendered my entire being to what we had. I won't be lying that it fucking hurt (and it still does) but I also won't deny that it was a blissful chapter in my life. I guess that's just how double-sworded Love is. You gotta pay the pain once you've enjoyed your fill of happiness.

But I gotta let out some things to clear my side (and because I feel like I'm being ganged upon).

First to Ate Girl.

One: I mean no disrespect (but you stepped on a line you ought not to) but you don't have the right to judge our relationship. Especially because you weren't part of it, yes? And to tell it straight to my face (messenger chat box, in our case). The nerve. And I blogged about MY feelings because it's MY blog. Since he tried blogging (and probably failed at it miserably), maybe he can let his feelings out there. You know, because that's his blog.

Two: To tell me that I never loved your bestfriend is nothing short of stepping on my already-broken heart. And then you threw some caustic acid, just to make sure it's really really dead. I loved him more than I loved anyone in my life before. Heck, I did things that I never did before for the sake of our relationship. And maybe that's one chink in our relationship. We did things to keep what we have, not to keep love growing. I was there during our ups and downs but who threw in the last straw that broke the camel's back? Not to mean disrespect (again) but he threw in the ultimate white towel. Nagmukha akong tanga kaka-message sa kanya ng mga lintik na 'Good Morning' at 'Kumain ka na ba?' at 'Ok ka lang ba? I love you'. Puta meron pa akong kagaguhan na nagsesend ako ng picture namin one day at a time with captions short of begging him back. I held on. And eventually, gave up. Why so? I asked him two days before we met if there was still a possibilty of us getting back together but he said 'No. Wala na.' I am (generally) an optimistic guy but when someone gave up on you. And ultimately. My realistic side kicks in and what did it tell me? 'Suko na, Paulo.' Hard it may be but I got to accept defeat, especially when it is undeniable.

Now, you Mr. Heartbreaker.

One: I tried to set expectations from the start but our frail foundation made me cautious to say mine and all I did was sneak in a remark or two of how our relationship could be molded by our own personal lives. I am in the wrong on this one. Maybe if we have concretely set expectations from the start, we have no one to blame but ourselves for the relationship's demise.

Two: Whatever happened to sweet promises of (yuck) 'forever'? I changed, but you were too bored by the seismological-slowness of my metamorphosis. You never really knew me and I you. We both didn't get to know more of each other before sealing in the deal. We happily went in head-first, not really knowing the stakes at hand. Well, at least I didn't. You were my first. I was your sixth.

Three: At least we both changed each other for the better, hopefully. You made me more patient. More understanding. More loving. And I am glad that you were such a good catalyst of change in my life. But be reminded that I never asked you to be my ideal guy. All I need is for you to be happy and to love me.

Four: Finally, please seek happiness. Be it with another person or in your own solitude, seek for it. Your heart has been bruised. Broken. Wounded. And I still feel guilty that I contributed to the pain that you are suffering now. Let our failed relationship be your last heartbreak. Guard your heart and be the man worthy for your soulmate. So when the time comes for you to meet the right person, you are prepared. Let us try to move forward with our lives. I loved you. Good bye.